The Library in My Life

I had brought up the fact I would buy The Handmaid's Tale when it becomes less expensive (hype tends to inflate prices; supply and demand and all that), and a friend brought up I could always go to the library to get it.

And it dawned on me I haven't thought about the library — or me going to a library, more appropriately — in years.

I'm a fan of books, reading, and literacy. I was actually talking with one of my co-workers about reading and how as a child the only fictional books I'd liked to read were science fiction. Otherwise, I liked non-fiction, and it would be grating to have to read fiction I haven't picked myself (so school-assigned fictional reading until about high school was pretty little-bit-of-less-than-torment-inducing for me).

When I moved to Georgia and had a bit of free time, I'd check out books from the library, but since I'd moved on my own, it has been more of buying books and having them at my disposal to read whenever than going to the library and reading on, effectively, a timetable. And then I give the book(s) back, some thing my friend had also brought up as a plus of a library.

He is right about that fact. If one wishes to live minimally, or minimalistically, a library would be a great option. It has been a little wasteful of me, because I have so many books, and how many of them can I actually read (or even, how many have I read entirely?) at once? How many are there for relative emotional attachment (or at least, as a physical memory piece: "Oh, I remember when I'd gotten that Jacques Derrida book! It was for Dr Maingot's Sociology class, but he changed his mind about actually using that after all, and I just couldn't part with it!")?

And I still haven't read it.

Yet, there's something about a library, like many places lately that are not my bedroom, that's a turnoff. I'm a pretty giant introvert with some social anxiety, so if I can do things with only limited interaction with other human beings (at least face-to-face most often), I tend to take that option. I'm not a social dud (most of the time; especially at work, generally, I'm pretty good), but I tend not to go out of my way to talk to someone, and I often forget people like to actually hear a verbal "Hello" in greeting rather than a nod or a (and yes, I do do this) slight bow in cordially acknowledging their presence.

So going somewhere with things I like, but with people who mean well and want to help you find what you want (even though usually when I've gone to a library, I'm reallyreallyreally not there usually with anything particular in mind to pick out), I still find it a little annoying when they ask me if they can help me find something (even though, ironically, if I'm there and unsure where something is, I'm looking for someone to help me and they're either busy or not within reach).

And I suppose I appreciate the gesture in wanting to help, even though 99% of the time I don't need any, and though it does annoy me a little. I suppose I want to be able to be in my own head and not have anyone interrupt that jaunt; I'm often very fancifully looking through the stacks and wandering when I have been in a library.

Then there are just other humans in general being there and possibly interrupting my meander too. So, I can enjoy books while not having other humans "in my way" if I have the books at home, and so why I haven't been to a library in probably four years. There is a library just around the corner from me, and I'd just have to register, but I haven't actually given into that corner of my head that wants to go there.

And it's a Pokémon GO gym.