710

I'm not sure if you've seen this one, but...

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

If you're not sure what a 710 is...

Scroll down.

Oh, dear!

Rasta on His Way to Heaven

Rasta dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter himself, but the gates are closed as Ras approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, You seem to be in the wrong place. I don't seem to have you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause such a disruption I will give you an entrance examination. If you pass it I will let you in. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
'Fair enough,' says the dread. 'I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was .'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, but the test is only three questions. Here they are:

'First: What two days of the week begin with the letter "T"?'
'That one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'That is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify. I will give you credit for that answer.

'Second: How many seconds are there in a year? ', asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Ras, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? How in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
'Well it got to be twelve', he replied. 'January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…'
'Hold it', interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind… But I will have to give you credit for that one, too.'

'Third: What is God's first name?'
'Well, sure', he replied with a big grin,
'it's Andy.'
'Andy?!', exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all. Whenever I went to church I would hear them sing "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run, man, run!!!'

[and just in case you'd never heard the song before, or want some context: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQMnqmqKtQo&feature=youtube_gdata]