Being a Man

I've been thinking the last few days about the word "man", and how I've been reticent to use it when taking about myself. Sex-wise, I'm a male. Gender-wise, I suppose that's the only time I may use the word "man" since it's clinical: "I'm a cisgender man." It may be because I use cisgender with it.

Otherwise, I'm a guy. I very rarely call myself a man, and O wonder why that is.

Is it a lifetime thus far of seeing images of what Western society sees as a man and somehow not feeling I'm up to that level? Is it because I tend to be very non-committal in language because there's "always something that could undo it". I tend to be rather careful with absolutes, and I suppose I may view "man" as absolute. It's rigid. It's hard.

"Guy", that's flexible enough. It evokes some sense of softness that I definitely do have.

And I suppose, Daniel Jackson, you have your answer.

In Pursuit of Sex

I had started to muse on the drive of men to have sex why they may do things the way they do, including rape  and then some more facets of this theme came up a few times last week as I was listening to podcasts.

One was about Kurdish women who had taken up arms to defend their lands against Islamic State. One of them had described conditions under them, her describing them having the women disrobe so a doctor of theirs can validate their physical virginity. Then these women who are virgins, the Islamic State leaders would have, still naked, go to a building where men would select these naked women and go off to have their way with them.

Then there was another story that had included an anecdote of men who marry underaged girls. One of the girls who had spoken of her experiences remarked that it was probably because the guy thought he would never again be able to have a wife. My thoughts veered more towards his believing he needs to be in a marriage to have sex, that he shouldn't masturbate, and that he would never be able to have sex again if he loses her.

There was yet another anecdote among the discussion of India's censorship board attempting, ultimately unsuccessfully, to ban (essentially) a film, Lipstick Under My Burkha, that they'd described as too "lady oriented". The woman describing the situation brought up the fact the board is exclusively male and that they would have no problem if the women were their definition of attractive and dressed the way they want (scantily sometimes, perhaps).

These men, it's sickening. It's sickening how these regimes they make sometimes seem to make it so they can satisfy their sexual urges under their terms whenever it is they want. It's sickening how sometimes they have such narrow views of how sex can and/or should work, and that women should have no say. I hate that some see masturbation as desperation. I hate that women in some places and some times, even in the United States, have no authority to decide what happens with their bodies.

Sometimes men suck.