29 July 2010
Kevin Keller
Okay, so I'd heard about him a while ago. I think I might even have been in Florida still. At any rate, I'm so excited for this issue! :-D Something to look forward to in September.
02 July 2010
Follow Your Road
I was trying to read Max Weber's Protestantism and wok ethic book in a comfortable position. I'd been trying to read it for about an hour in various positions, and it would be either that I could only read comfortably through my left eye - itself a feat quite uncomfortable because I'm accustomed to reading with both eyes - or I could not sit a certain way for very long. I resorted to one I should not have; I laid down on my stomach to read. I soon found myself asleep.
I look around and I'm in a neighbourhood that seems familiar, but I don't know it. I begin to walk. There are houses all about, but no people. It's a film noir look. The trees have no leaves, and some of them are battered and broken. None of them have substantial trunks; they're just skeletons. I keep walking.
I begin to think that I need to be at church for a meeting. It's not the church I've been attending, but one I attended when I was a child through when I went to university. I set back out. Next thing I know, I'm on the highway in my car. I don't know how I got my car, but I do, and I'm on the ramp leading to the next stage of where I need to go.
The light turns green, apparently, though I don't see it turn green. I drive slowly forward, because I'm waiting for people who are turning left, while I have to drive forward. The ramp is under construction. I notice while on the slow procession the time is 7:50. I had to be at church at 7:00, and it will take a little while to get there based on my "current" location.
I continue still. I eventually make it to the highway. Five minutes in my drive, I notice two things. The first is I'm no longer in my car, but driving an ATV. I've never owned one, and I don't know why I have one, but I'm on one. I continue. The second is there is about to be no more paved road. I realise this much too late, as there is an orange, unmarked, thin, plastic cordon drawn above my head by several feet that I cross, and I hit white gravel. I'm thinking I shouldn't be here. "They obviously put that cord up for a reason. I shouldn't be here."
I keep driving as I see a few pickup trucks in the distance. Other people have made this "mistake" too, so it's okay to keep going. I come to several placed where the road depresses severely and I go flying over the depression. After a few more of these, I see an exit branching/curving to the right. I stop the ATV and pick it up by a handlebar, running to the exit to see where I am. I see a sign saying the exit leads 3 miles to Interstate 3. (Note: I'm just now looking this up. I'd never read this article before, so I had no idea there even was an Interstate 3, much less that it doesn't yet exist or that it will be in Georgia. Funny how dreams are.) There are several other road markers to what the exit leads: United States Highway 475 (with a red shield), and three more colour-shielded roads. I decide this is not where I need to exit, and so take my ATV and go back to the main highway.
I keep driving, and it becomes harder to see. My eyes can't keep open as well. Eventually, I have to stop again, but in the middle of the highway. I know I need to continue, but I can't because I can't see. "Just think about where you need to be and it'll happen," says something in my head. The next thing I know is I'm face down on the Yellow Brick Road to Oz. I can see again. I look up and I see Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow. I'm looking at Dorothy looking around and marvelling at the scenery, and somehow I become Dorothy. A few seconds later, the Tin Woodsman appears, and I instinctively know he needs a heart.
A voice in my head goes, "You see? You didn't need to drive any further. All you needed to do was think about where you needed to be, and it came to be. That's why your eyes weren't working."
Then I think about how I'm to get home, and the way to do that is to be selfless. I can't think about what I want, but what others do. I need to make wishes on behalf of the Scarecrow, Lion and Woodsman, because that's what I need to do instead of wish for myself. I don't need to because my mind will take care of whatever I want.
I wake up on my stomach.
...
I look around and I'm in a neighbourhood that seems familiar, but I don't know it. I begin to walk. There are houses all about, but no people. It's a film noir look. The trees have no leaves, and some of them are battered and broken. None of them have substantial trunks; they're just skeletons. I keep walking.
I begin to think that I need to be at church for a meeting. It's not the church I've been attending, but one I attended when I was a child through when I went to university. I set back out. Next thing I know, I'm on the highway in my car. I don't know how I got my car, but I do, and I'm on the ramp leading to the next stage of where I need to go.
The light turns green, apparently, though I don't see it turn green. I drive slowly forward, because I'm waiting for people who are turning left, while I have to drive forward. The ramp is under construction. I notice while on the slow procession the time is 7:50. I had to be at church at 7:00, and it will take a little while to get there based on my "current" location.
I continue still. I eventually make it to the highway. Five minutes in my drive, I notice two things. The first is I'm no longer in my car, but driving an ATV. I've never owned one, and I don't know why I have one, but I'm on one. I continue. The second is there is about to be no more paved road. I realise this much too late, as there is an orange, unmarked, thin, plastic cordon drawn above my head by several feet that I cross, and I hit white gravel. I'm thinking I shouldn't be here. "They obviously put that cord up for a reason. I shouldn't be here."
I keep driving as I see a few pickup trucks in the distance. Other people have made this "mistake" too, so it's okay to keep going. I come to several placed where the road depresses severely and I go flying over the depression. After a few more of these, I see an exit branching/curving to the right. I stop the ATV and pick it up by a handlebar, running to the exit to see where I am. I see a sign saying the exit leads 3 miles to Interstate 3. (Note: I'm just now looking this up. I'd never read this article before, so I had no idea there even was an Interstate 3, much less that it doesn't yet exist or that it will be in Georgia. Funny how dreams are.) There are several other road markers to what the exit leads: United States Highway 475 (with a red shield), and three more colour-shielded roads. I decide this is not where I need to exit, and so take my ATV and go back to the main highway.
I keep driving, and it becomes harder to see. My eyes can't keep open as well. Eventually, I have to stop again, but in the middle of the highway. I know I need to continue, but I can't because I can't see. "Just think about where you need to be and it'll happen," says something in my head. The next thing I know is I'm face down on the Yellow Brick Road to Oz. I can see again. I look up and I see Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow. I'm looking at Dorothy looking around and marvelling at the scenery, and somehow I become Dorothy. A few seconds later, the Tin Woodsman appears, and I instinctively know he needs a heart.
A voice in my head goes, "You see? You didn't need to drive any further. All you needed to do was think about where you needed to be, and it came to be. That's why your eyes weren't working."
Then I think about how I'm to get home, and the way to do that is to be selfless. I can't think about what I want, but what others do. I need to make wishes on behalf of the Scarecrow, Lion and Woodsman, because that's what I need to do instead of wish for myself. I don't need to because my mind will take care of whatever I want.
...
I wake up on my stomach.
22 June 2010
BP CEO Tony Hayward criticised for yacht trip
BBC News:
Okay, so I read this story, and I didn't quite have the reaction most seem to have. Yes, BP's CEO Tony Hayward is sailing. Sailing is considered - generally - a rich person's sport, and I agree in some respects. You have to have a boat, maintain it, learn about its workings... It takes some effort which - as said - one could spend trying to resolve an environmental crisis.
I, however, take a more sympathetic view for Mr Hayward, and so have an advocate's view somewhat.
Being Human
Mr Hayward is human. As a human, he requires rest and diversion in order to function at his best, and to make decisive, important choices regarding the spill. Sometimes a weekend at home with family doesn't do it. While he's with his family, he isn't really going anywhere, is he? I'm certain that doing something he could only consider a hobby can do wonders to his mental health and ability to cope with the strain of having a monumental task of cleaning up, investigating the explosion and dealing with the media and public.
Deepwater Horizon/BP
The incident happened in April, and I doubt he imagined this would have gone on for so long. The company has never had to deal with all the things they have, as they've said. I've said often why they don't just shut the thing down entirely instead of culling petroleum where they can. I don't know anything, though, so who knows how hard it is just to do that. I'm sure they've brought out who they can to help. The United States Coast Guard has been working on this too. Seriously, one can't blame only BP, and I'm tired of everyone's always wanting to scapegoat whenever something happens. Forget blaming someone: just do something, right?
Round the Island Race 2010
This race, the 79th iteration with 1754 entries this year, opened registration back in January. With the way I imagine a CEO's life must be, he would have to have scheduled his registration. The Deepwater Horizon incident happened in April. I have no evidence to state this, but I imagine he would have had to pay a registration fee, one he would not have been able to recoup so close to the start of the competition.
Family
He was sailing with his son. Should his family suffer too?
Sympathy for the Affected
I do understand the people affected have less financial resources than Mr Hayward, and his job can theoretically continue because his job is to manage others, come up with ideas, and make the company profitable, not to use the resources of the gulf-now-polluted.
Okay, so I read this story, and I didn't quite have the reaction most seem to have. Yes, BP's CEO Tony Hayward is sailing. Sailing is considered - generally - a rich person's sport, and I agree in some respects. You have to have a boat, maintain it, learn about its workings... It takes some effort which - as said - one could spend trying to resolve an environmental crisis.
I, however, take a more sympathetic view for Mr Hayward, and so have an advocate's view somewhat.
Being Human
Mr Hayward is human. As a human, he requires rest and diversion in order to function at his best, and to make decisive, important choices regarding the spill. Sometimes a weekend at home with family doesn't do it. While he's with his family, he isn't really going anywhere, is he? I'm certain that doing something he could only consider a hobby can do wonders to his mental health and ability to cope with the strain of having a monumental task of cleaning up, investigating the explosion and dealing with the media and public.
Deepwater Horizon/BP
The incident happened in April, and I doubt he imagined this would have gone on for so long. The company has never had to deal with all the things they have, as they've said. I've said often why they don't just shut the thing down entirely instead of culling petroleum where they can. I don't know anything, though, so who knows how hard it is just to do that. I'm sure they've brought out who they can to help. The United States Coast Guard has been working on this too. Seriously, one can't blame only BP, and I'm tired of everyone's always wanting to scapegoat whenever something happens. Forget blaming someone: just do something, right?
Round the Island Race 2010
This race, the 79th iteration with 1754 entries this year, opened registration back in January. With the way I imagine a CEO's life must be, he would have to have scheduled his registration. The Deepwater Horizon incident happened in April. I have no evidence to state this, but I imagine he would have had to pay a registration fee, one he would not have been able to recoup so close to the start of the competition.
Family
He was sailing with his son. Should his family suffer too?
Sympathy for the Affected
I do understand the people affected have less financial resources than Mr Hayward, and his job can theoretically continue because his job is to manage others, come up with ideas, and make the company profitable, not to use the resources of the gulf-now-polluted.
12 June 2010
"sheeple are people too. and sheep."
You can't deny the sensibility of this... Now, one wonders who the face is mocking...
26 April 2010
Reading and Writing
Somehow, I don't really feel like I write enough, even though it's not my occupation, it's not something keeping me at complete peace, and neither does it edify others generally. I have little thoughts throughout the day, and then it's silence, essentially.
I'd gone though a stage at the beginning of this month where I'd read three books in five days (shocking for a book nibbler, and yet I have one book I'd not been reading quite as diligently.
It might be that there's more to take in with this current one.
I'm considering doing NaNoWriMo, and so I'm going to have to get back into scheduled free-writing. I need to keep sharp.
04 April 2010
Rasta & His Crocus Bag
A Rasta goes to the bank with a big crocus bag on his shoulder and places it on the counter in front of the Teller. The Teller opens the bag slowly and finds it is packed full with marijuana.
Shocked, the Teller asks, "What's this for?".
The Rastaman replies, "I man here to open ah joint account".
27 March 2010
710
I'm not sure if you've seen this one, but...
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked, 'Is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
If you're not sure what a 710 is...Scroll down.
Oh, dear!
23 March 2010
Google stops censoring in China
"Google says it has stopped censoring its search results in China, risking confrontation with the country's authorities."
Now, I've been conservative on a number of subjects in my life. I remember there was a discussion in my Honors Colloquium class in my third year about pre-marital teenage sex, and I'd said I wish there were a pill that would block such thoughts and then alternative treatment would occur in the period when two come into an agreement to wed.
My mind has changed somewhat on this subject because it's a little hypocritical to want to curb human nature in one regard but want complete openness - in this case uncensored Internet use - in another.
The reason the Chinese government wants to censor people is because they know what they do is wrong. They stomp on people, they keep them from knowing things, and they keep them in a state of hopelessness and ignorance. This, I believe, is wrong, and Google stepping in - even at the risk of China throwing them out, thus losing a vital Internet-using market - and standing up for freedom of Internet use in China.
I have issues with that China has grown so vital to the United States' economic function without making any changes whatsoever in their human rights policies, stances on freedom of speech and expression, and general arrogance.
May something change.
18 March 2010
Masters
One day I think humans, if we live long enough, will be the masters of this planet. We'll control earthquakes and use them. We'll control all kinds of weather and use that. We'll be able to replace what's lost, rebuild what we've paved over and replenish what we use.
We'll have true dominion. I can see people with my mindset but with a lot more leadership capability than I think I can muster going to the fore and making sure this happens responsibly. I don't think I can trust more ambitious people to do it, because they will abuse it.
So I feel anyway.
Is it our right?
We'll have true dominion. I can see people with my mindset but with a lot more leadership capability than I think I can muster going to the fore and making sure this happens responsibly. I don't think I can trust more ambitious people to do it, because they will abuse it.
So I feel anyway.
Is it our right?
13 March 2010
Queen invented the phone, and other odd UK children's beliefs
"Children's strange misconceptions about science are revealed in a science knowledge quiz."
Seriously? Well, this is certainly a Daily Mail-esque article without a good deal of the judgment, but I suppose I'd have to see a similar study done in the United States.
06 March 2010
Nine More Airports To Get Body Scanners
The Associated Press - March 5, 2010: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124362553&sc=17&f=1001
This country is way too prudish. Every time there's something that makes just a few people just *a little bit* uncomfortable, people light their flames and say "it's a privacy invasion". People need to see the entire framework: there are people who care nothing for anyone. The only things on their minds are getting a body count and using that body count to spread fear, distrust and discord.
How many times do people have to worry about the TSA perving off their bodies?! The machines have no storage capabilities, you're not identifiable, and there's only the faintest hint of mammary outline. No one will see your vag, your labia, or whether you'd forgone getting a bikini wax. No one will see that you decided just this once have gone (or even that you always go) commando just for thrills.
Get a clue.
17 February 2010
Racy texts from Tampa doctor to his patient
WTSP.com 10 Connects - http://bit.ly/ca0aRI
Okay, I don't think people are getting the message about things
nowadays: you can't get away with it! When it comes to pinching
pennies, people, especially insurance companies, will look at
everything!
Being so cavalier about the relationship; and especially not taking
care, they deserve what's to come.
13 February 2010
Mattel introduces Computer Engineer Barbie
Barbiemedia.com
This article is hilarious. I'm still chuckling at this, partly because it's still such a male-dominated field, and I think the girls (and the odd boy) playing with this Barbie version will be thinking she's a stay-at-home mum, an operator, or an Administrative Assistant rather than a computer engineer.
Way to try an equalize things, Mattel, but I don't think this one will quite jive the way you want it.
08 February 2010
Rasta on His Way to Heaven
Rasta dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter himself, but the gates are closed as Ras approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, You seem to be in the wrong place. I don't seem to have you on my list, but as there is such a crowd behind you and it would cause such a disruption I will give you an entrance examination. If you pass it I will let you in. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
'Fair enough,' says the dread. 'I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was .'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, but the test is only three questions. Here they are:
'First: What two days of the week begin with the letter "T"?'
'That one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'That is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify. I will give you credit for that answer.
'Second: How many seconds are there in a year? ', asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,' replied Ras, 'but I think about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? How in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
'Well it got to be twelve', he replied. 'January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…'
'Hold it', interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind… But I will have to give you credit for that one, too.'
'Third: What is God's first name?'
'Well, sure', he replied with a big grin,
'it's Andy.'
'Andy?!', exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all. Whenever I went to church I would hear them sing "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run, man, run!!!'
[and just in case you'd never heard the song before, or want some context: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQMnqmqKtQo&feature=youtube_gdata]
29 January 2010
NewScientist - Viruses 'r' Us
I found this article fascinating because it could mean that the only reason we're so different from all other forms of life on this planet, why we're the only things capable of dooming the planet entirely, is because we're a mélange of what was and millions of years of viral activity.
My Christian upbringing side of my brain yields this: God is a being that uses what we've known as science, subtle interactions of everything in the universe - physics, chemistry, and whatever else - to make things as they are. He experimented, came up with viruses, and experimented with those to eventually make us.
The sci-fi-ish part of me says otherwise. Define otherwise as something like the Alterani/Ancients, experimenting millions of years ago with whatever life comes on a planet in their ever-expanding goal of ascenscion. This is just one sci-fi view though. As pesky and arrogant as they've been in the Stargate universe, they're pretty cool-like.
My mind keeps spooling me to think about the divergeance between what a good number of Christian researchers have said in regards to how old everything truly is and what conventional science has said. My wanting to reconcile the two always leads me to think perhaps they're both on to something, but then we need to work on some things. Perhaps we've not discovered it yet, but it might be that time flows differently for God, and perhaps He's arranged a slowed-down version of time for us.
Always the experimenter.
I don't know; I'm a bit confused myself.
08 January 2010
AA331 Sketch
An American Airlines plane crashed and broke in two after landing at the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston a short while ago. The aircraft carried over 145 passengers and crew most of them Jamaicans returning home. Boardlane TV news was on site to interview some of the passengers that were able to speak to us about the events that took place after the crash.
Boardlane TV: Hi sir could you could you give us a moment and tell us how are you feeling and what happened when you realized your flight crashed?
Lincoln: Lady mi sey a Jah save wi cause a di back mi dey enoh Miss and all of a sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina di air and a dat time mi a penny sey di rahtid sinting bruck ina 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin siting and lick out wan white man flat a grung. Im mite ina di plane still kunk out an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im ... man an woman a try cum outt before di plane boom up!
Boardlane TV : No one stopped to assist the injured man?
Lincoln: Look yah lady when plane boom flick pan dry land is all about survival yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh know if all a nex suitcase a goh shoot out fram di ova head sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!
Boardlane TV : Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok.. Miss Over here. Can you tell us how you feel and give us some insights on what took place on your flight?
Matilda: Glorry Glorry… I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan talk … Sweeet Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi nat even a wear desent drawz.. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Alli-jullaaa!!!
Boardlane TV: Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here Boardlane TV here. Can you tell us what happened on your flight as it was landing?
Millicent: Dat Razzklaat Pilot noh know wey di Bongo Cyat im a do.. Im nearly kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbeet Plane like im a deh pan Jet Ski pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im Klaat an sen im back a Flying school.. Dung to mi lickle 9 yr ole yout lan kite betta dan how dat suckka lan dis big ole Bongo Cyat plane... cho Blood Kleet .. come outta mi way yah man.
Boardlane TV: Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the pilot and understandably so. Let’s see .. Little one can you come over here and talk with us..How are you doing?
Celine: Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi?
Boardlane TV: No but maybe you can describe her and we can get some help for you.
Celine: Mi mummy have wan b@tty big <<soh>> an wear wan Burgundy head weave..an har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan dem.. When di plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi… like shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di plane wid har.. Dats how shi behave when har head tek har yuh mam ..shi noh memba nutten bout mi.
Boardlane TV : Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be safe. Let’s get one more comment from this gentleman. Hi sir do you care to comment on the incident that just took place?
Percy: Sure I would loves to comments. Miss Lady, I and my mistress was in the bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished when wi realize dot di plane do nat landed good pan di runaway. So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem han faller backa me.
Boardlane TV : You made her carry both suitcases by herself?
Percy : What mek yuh hosk? Yuh noh si how shi strapting an have trang back? A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo di side exit door an landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si hall my helbow chip up fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a scrotch how shi tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just wont to find a batroom now fi change mi brief. Mi cyan ston ina di pee-pee no longer.
Boardlane TV : Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress. Well ladies and gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of passengers given the serioness of the accident.We will have more comments from passengers as they get sorted out.
Boardlane TV: We are now back on the air speaking with a few more of the passengers from flight 331. Mister can you step over here and have a chat with us. How are you doing.. you look a little Shaken up?
Trevor : Bway I neva experience anyting like dis ina my life sistren. A lissen mi a lissen some trune pan mi Ipod an feel di plane a skid wey to blurtnaught. Di betern nex to mi look out a di window an start bawl out sey wi ago drap ina sea wata to birdbeak!. Lady mi start pray unto Jah cause I man cyan swim a lick an plus mi all hear sey nuff Alligator ina di sea.
Boardlane TV: Alligators in the sea sir? Where have you heard such a thing? That’s not true.
Trevor : Yuh a fool man .. Alligata ina di sea mi sey. Nuff time mi si dem lie dung pan di banking when mi a fly out.. soh mi noh know wey yuh a chat sey. If wid di crash ina di sea an hear sey Alligata nyam up all a wi wey yuh woulda sey eeh? How unu can behave like a ongle unu wan have educatian soh? Tek man fi fool an illeterate.. GO WEY!!
Boardlane TV: Ok. Clearly that is a very misguided passenger but we are glad he wasn’t eaten by Alligators nonetheless. Looks like another shaken passenger heading our way. Over here sir. Can you tell us what this experience was like for you?
Neville: Ioyoo cyooon taalkk naw iss.. mknot a ood hime
Boardlane TV: Sir what are saying? I’m sorry we can’t hear you so good. Repeat that.
Neville’s Daughter: Sarry lady.. Papa cyan talk to yah now …im false teet fly outta im mout when im head lick up pan di seat. Nat a soul cyan fine di teet all now. Gad eeh know how dis man a goh nyam im Chrismuss dinna now widout’en di teet. Lawd a mercy pan wi Pupa Jesas!
Boardlane TV: Ok Sorry to hear that. Well let's hope he will have a Merry Christmas despite his missing teeth. God bless you. Hi Hi young man come and talk to us over here. What’s going through you mind after going through what just occurred?
Rorie: Yuh really waan know what a goh troo my mine sistren? Is a spliff I waan bun yuh noh seeit.. jah rastafari know. Dem kina ting wi mash up yuh nerval system when rasta dey pan plane an it bruck up wid yuh ina it yuh noh seeit . Mi teet dem noh tap rakkle fram mi lef outta di plane. I man need a weefah fi calm I nerves but di bloodseed police bway dem a walk roun wid di sniffa daag dem sed speed mek I man cyan draw fi di good herb. **Chaaaaa** Easy yaah mi sistren .. I an I ago get ouuta dis Babylon cage..zeen? More time!
Boardlane TV: Ok we have time for just one more passenger .. Looks like this lady is one of the more injured. Lets see what she has to say.. Sppptttt can you share with Boadlane TV how you got your injuries?
Silvia: Noh wan b@ttybway push mi dung a try race mi outta di plane mam. Mi sey dem noh have no mannas enoh lady. Imagine dis American Airlines likle punk fling mi dung ina fuss class an kick mi ina mi side when a jump ova mi.. Mi sey if a neva fi mi artritis ina mi right han a tump im dung if a eva si im bout yah. Look how mi frack dutty up like mi naah come fram nohweh!
Boardlane TV: Wait a minute you said he was an American Airline person?
Silvia: Yes lady! A wan a di Hair hostess bway do mi soh .. All yuh hear dem a chat bout lef plane ardaly in case of emergency dem a di fuss wan a bulldoza yuh when plane crash. Dem is jus like dem dam hooligan yuh si a stage show. Dam set a viagro dem ..Lady dem only ina di stoosh unifarm like dem desent but dem noh betta dan di hag dem yuh si ina pig style. Dutty Jankro dem!
Boardlane TV: Very interesting. Well there you have it folks. A very traumatic day for the passengers as you have you heard. We wish all a pleasant evening and thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.
--------------------------------------------------
Boy, that was a good laugh.
Boardlane TV: Hi sir could you could you give us a moment and tell us how are you feeling and what happened when you realized your flight crashed?
Lincoln: Lady mi sey a Jah save wi cause a di back mi dey enoh Miss and all of a sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina di air and a dat time mi a penny sey di rahtid sinting bruck ina 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin siting and lick out wan white man flat a grung. Im mite ina di plane still kunk out an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im ... man an woman a try cum outt before di plane boom up!
Boardlane TV : No one stopped to assist the injured man?
Lincoln: Look yah lady when plane boom flick pan dry land is all about survival yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh know if all a nex suitcase a goh shoot out fram di ova head sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!
Boardlane TV : Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok.. Miss Over here. Can you tell us how you feel and give us some insights on what took place on your flight?
Matilda: Glorry Glorry… I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan talk … Sweeet Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi nat even a wear desent drawz.. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Alli-jullaaa!!!
Boardlane TV: Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here Boardlane TV here. Can you tell us what happened on your flight as it was landing?
Millicent: Dat Razzklaat Pilot noh know wey di Bongo Cyat im a do.. Im nearly kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbeet Plane like im a deh pan Jet Ski pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im Klaat an sen im back a Flying school.. Dung to mi lickle 9 yr ole yout lan kite betta dan how dat suckka lan dis big ole Bongo Cyat plane... cho Blood Kleet .. come outta mi way yah man.
Boardlane TV: Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the pilot and understandably so. Let’s see .. Little one can you come over here and talk with us..How are you doing?
Celine: Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi?
Boardlane TV: No but maybe you can describe her and we can get some help for you.
Celine: Mi mummy have wan b@tty big <<soh>> an wear wan Burgundy head weave..an har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan dem.. When di plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi… like shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di plane wid har.. Dats how shi behave when har head tek har yuh mam ..shi noh memba nutten bout mi.
Boardlane TV : Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be safe. Let’s get one more comment from this gentleman. Hi sir do you care to comment on the incident that just took place?
Percy: Sure I would loves to comments. Miss Lady, I and my mistress was in the bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished when wi realize dot di plane do nat landed good pan di runaway. So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem han faller backa me.
Boardlane TV : You made her carry both suitcases by herself?
Percy : What mek yuh hosk? Yuh noh si how shi strapting an have trang back? A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo di side exit door an landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si hall my helbow chip up fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a scrotch how shi tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just wont to find a batroom now fi change mi brief. Mi cyan ston ina di pee-pee no longer.
Boardlane TV : Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress. Well ladies and gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of passengers given the serioness of the accident.We will have more comments from passengers as they get sorted out.
Boardlane TV: We are now back on the air speaking with a few more of the passengers from flight 331. Mister can you step over here and have a chat with us. How are you doing.. you look a little Shaken up?
Trevor : Bway I neva experience anyting like dis ina my life sistren. A lissen mi a lissen some trune pan mi Ipod an feel di plane a skid wey to blurtnaught. Di betern nex to mi look out a di window an start bawl out sey wi ago drap ina sea wata to birdbeak!. Lady mi start pray unto Jah cause I man cyan swim a lick an plus mi all hear sey nuff Alligator ina di sea.
Boardlane TV: Alligators in the sea sir? Where have you heard such a thing? That’s not true.
Trevor : Yuh a fool man .. Alligata ina di sea mi sey. Nuff time mi si dem lie dung pan di banking when mi a fly out.. soh mi noh know wey yuh a chat sey. If wid di crash ina di sea an hear sey Alligata nyam up all a wi wey yuh woulda sey eeh? How unu can behave like a ongle unu wan have educatian soh? Tek man fi fool an illeterate.. GO WEY!!
Boardlane TV: Ok. Clearly that is a very misguided passenger but we are glad he wasn’t eaten by Alligators nonetheless. Looks like another shaken passenger heading our way. Over here sir. Can you tell us what this experience was like for you?
Neville: Ioyoo cyooon taalkk naw iss.. mknot a ood hime
Boardlane TV: Sir what are saying? I’m sorry we can’t hear you so good. Repeat that.
Neville’s Daughter: Sarry lady.. Papa cyan talk to yah now …im false teet fly outta im mout when im head lick up pan di seat. Nat a soul cyan fine di teet all now. Gad eeh know how dis man a goh nyam im Chrismuss dinna now widout’en di teet. Lawd a mercy pan wi Pupa Jesas!
Boardlane TV: Ok Sorry to hear that. Well let's hope he will have a Merry Christmas despite his missing teeth. God bless you. Hi Hi young man come and talk to us over here. What’s going through you mind after going through what just occurred?
Rorie: Yuh really waan know what a goh troo my mine sistren? Is a spliff I waan bun yuh noh seeit.. jah rastafari know. Dem kina ting wi mash up yuh nerval system when rasta dey pan plane an it bruck up wid yuh ina it yuh noh seeit . Mi teet dem noh tap rakkle fram mi lef outta di plane. I man need a weefah fi calm I nerves but di bloodseed police bway dem a walk roun wid di sniffa daag dem sed speed mek I man cyan draw fi di good herb. **Chaaaaa** Easy yaah mi sistren .. I an I ago get ouuta dis Babylon cage..zeen? More time!
Boardlane TV: Ok we have time for just one more passenger .. Looks like this lady is one of the more injured. Lets see what she has to say.. Sppptttt can you share with Boadlane TV how you got your injuries?
Silvia: Noh wan b@ttybway push mi dung a try race mi outta di plane mam. Mi sey dem noh have no mannas enoh lady. Imagine dis American Airlines likle punk fling mi dung ina fuss class an kick mi ina mi side when a jump ova mi.. Mi sey if a neva fi mi artritis ina mi right han a tump im dung if a eva si im bout yah. Look how mi frack dutty up like mi naah come fram nohweh!
Boardlane TV: Wait a minute you said he was an American Airline person?
Silvia: Yes lady! A wan a di Hair hostess bway do mi soh .. All yuh hear dem a chat bout lef plane ardaly in case of emergency dem a di fuss wan a bulldoza yuh when plane crash. Dem is jus like dem dam hooligan yuh si a stage show. Dam set a viagro dem ..Lady dem only ina di stoosh unifarm like dem desent but dem noh betta dan di hag dem yuh si ina pig style. Dutty Jankro dem!
Boardlane TV: Very interesting. Well there you have it folks. A very traumatic day for the passengers as you have you heard. We wish all a pleasant evening and thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.
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Boy, that was a good laugh.
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